Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
rob sperm
Robert Pattinson's Sperm Can Finally Be YoursO: Lol...Omg...Yes! I can still be a virgin too
At last, celebrity look-alike sperm donors are here.
So you've always wanted to have a baby with Brad Pitt, but didn't know how to ask Angelina Jolie to release his scrotum from her bony fist for half an hour.
Rest assured, you're not alone.
A lot of people want Brad Pitt's sperm. And Robert Pattinson's. And Johnny Depp's. And now, thanks to Cryobank sperm bank, they can — sort of.
Merging the science of assisted reproduction with the art of pop culture whoredom, Cryobank allows clients to select sperm from donors who supposedly look like celebrities. I Knocked Myself Up: Pregnancy On My Own
At last, you may have your very own Shiloh.
But wait. Before you run out and get some Mr. Smith for your Mrs. Butterworth, there are a few things you should know about Cryobank. For starters, the donor profiles don't actually include photos of the donors. Thus, if someone claims to look like Keanu Reeves, there's always the chance— as we've all learned from online dating — that he might actually look like Jon Gosselin.
Additional problems we've considered:
1. Cryobank is based in LA (needless to say). LA is filled with celebrity wannabes who undergo a lot of plastic surgery. And plastic surgery, as we all know, can't be passed down in the genes.
2. Having a celebrity (or celebrity look-alike) for a father does not by any means guarantee that your child will be attractive. For the sake of the innocent offspring of famous people out there, we will not provide examples (but we're sure you can come up with some on your own).
3. There are your own genes to contend with. We know you're beautiful. Of course you are. But do you look like Halle Berry? Has anyone recently mistaken you for Michelle Williams? If not, then there's still the chance that your children will end up looking more like your weird Aunt Lavinia than Gabriel Aubry or Heath Ledger.
We're not saying you shouldn't follow this route to parenthood if you really and truly want to. And goodness knows, we couldn't stop you if we tried. Just take this last bit of advice to heart before you do: there are times in life when low expectations come in handy. And in our humble opinion, this is one of them.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
female rob
twitarded has a hilarious post (all her posts are hilarious btw) about her co-workers thinking she looks like rob...also, her mom is amazing...check it out here! read more...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Narnian Unicorn art
We all have good humor, and in this case, since Rpattz in conjunction with Twilight has ruined our lives and we are daily reminded of this, I thought we'd put a little humor into our..ahem..obsession...
this piece of art was drawn by a Narnian Unicorn...hope you like it!
omeomy: talented. jocose, epic...just epic:)
i lvoe how edward is pushing jasper away and no one cares! they just stood there... read more...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
robert pattinson facts
1. Robert Pattinson does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Robert Pattinson.click for the rest of the list and more pictures of rob smiling from robsessed!
2. Robert Pattinson can dazzle you with his eyes closed.
3. Robert Pattinson can make trees bend to him by *sparkling*.
4. Robert Pattinson doesn’t own a house, he walks into random ones and the owners are happy to leave.
5. The original plan for the first GPS system was to track Robert Pattinson’s every movement.
6. In Robert Pattinson, you can always find a party.
7. Weapons of mass destruction weren’t found in Iraq, they were found in Robert Pattinson’s pants.
8. The leading twinkle lights claim they can dazzle 99.99 percent of people..
9. Robert Pattinson can dazzle 100 percent of whatever the f*ck he wants.
10. When Robert Pattinson falls in water, Robert Pattinson doesn’t get wet. Water gets Robert Pattinson.
11. Robert Pattinson destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of ~dazzle~.
12. Einstein’s original Theory of Relativity was; if Robert Pattinson ~dazzles~ you, your relatives will feel it.
13. Robert Pattinson killed Cedric Diggory
14. Robert Pattinson can turn back time.
15. Maslow’s theory of higher needs does not apply to Robert Pattinson. He only has two needs: ~dazzling~ people and finding people to ~dazzle~.
16. Robert Pattinson isn’t just Pretty in Pink, he is Mindblowing in Pink.
17. Robert Pattinson plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
18. Robert Pattinson got a perfect score on his SAT’s, simply by writing Robert Pattinson for every answer.
19. Love stops in the name of Robert Pattinson.
20. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Robert Pattinson.
21. Robert Pattinson asked for a love song. Sara Bareilles wrote it.
22. Robert Pattinson can divide by zero.
23. Robert Pattinson can have his cake and eat it too, except he doesn’t like cake. Cake died from embarrassment.
24. Robert Pattinson knows the solution to global warming. He just won’t tell because he enjoys the sun -it makes him sparkle.
25. Robert Pattinson can’t speak french...just kidding.
26. Robert Pattison can dazzle faster than the speed of light.
27. Robert Pattinson listens to bands that don’t even exist yet.
28. Robert Pattinson pissed in a bottle. This product is now known as “Vitamin Water”
29. If you ask Robert Pattinson what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he ~dazzles~ you.
30. Robert Pattinson did not lose his virginity, he stalked and destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
31. Robert Pattinson brought sexy back.
32. If you spell Robert Pattinson in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
33. Robert Pattinson is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Robert Pattinson.
34. Robert Pattinson once ate three steaks in an hour. He spent the first forty-five minutes having sex with the waitress.
35. There is no night and day. Only Robert Pattinson saying “lumos”
36. Robert Pattinson doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
37. The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Robert Pattinson.
38. Robert Pattinson is never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you.
read more...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
orange mocha frappuccino
from twitter: peterfacinelli LMAO! RT @sheamig07i Check this out! http://twitpic.com/7lnqr
click on the link!!! read more...
Friday, June 12, 2009
vampidemic
Sexy vampires are destroying our nation's children
There has been an illness spreading across America recently that is more virulent and insidious than mad cow disease, swine flu and monkey pox combined. It’s spreading viraly through emails, blogs, text messages and tweets and infecting countless tweens, teens and young adults. While the disease has not yet proved to be fatal, there is no known cure and the symptoms can be terrifying and painful. The disease I am referring to, of course, is vampirism.click to the read the rest...last paragraph is money!
The epicenter of the most recent outbreak can be traced to the vampire-based Twilight book series, which has sold more than 42 million copies and spawned an equally popular movie adaptation. Young people across the country have been seduced by the story of a high school girl’s star-crossed love affair with a 107-year-old vampire and the pasty yet attractive actors who portray them. What’s more troubling than the pedophilic relationship between a 17-year-old girl and a man 90 years her senior, however, is the fact that the popularity of vampire culture is on the rise.
Another culprit in this vampire epidemic, or “vampidemic,” is HBO’s hit series "True Blood," which will begin its second season on Sunday. Many critics and viewers have been drawn in by the tale of a telepathic waitress in a small, fictional Louisiana town and her interactions with a contentious vampire community. Thanks to a synthetic blood alternative called TruBlood, vampires in this series no longer have to bite humans for food and are able walk the streets along with mortal citizens with minimal fear of persecution. Even before the show aired, a viral marketing campaign was implemented to spark interest by creating fake advertisements, Web sites and products aimed at the also-fake vampire demographic. Some avidly morbid consumers were distraught to learn that the TruBlood drink advertised online was not an actual product available for consumption.
While this kind of fervor has been seen with J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books, an interest in witchcraft and wizardry is ultimately harmless as most of the characters in Rowling’s novels are positive role models. The worst that happens is kids spend their allowances on wands, memorize cryptic incantations and start trying to summon dark spirits from the depths of the underworld. In other words, pretty typical kids’ stuff. With this latest trend, however, kids may be inspired to dress in black, dye their hair, start wearing eyeliner – or the sad male alternative, “guyliner” – and avoid the sun, leading to a crippling vitamin D deficiency. They may also be inclined to mimic vampire behavior by speaking in antiquated Victorian English, drinking exorbitant amounts of Kool-Aid or other red beverages packed with high fructose corn syrup and listening to techno music. Although vampire fashion is unfortunate – and “guyliner” borderline criminal – the real problem with children idolizing these bloodsuckers is that vampires are just creepy jerks.
Some cultures view vampires as pale, gaunt creatures lurking in the shadows, but many Europeans believe they have a bloated, ruddy or purplish appearance, most likely from the combination of decomposition and recently imbibed blood. Imagine how much more authentic but less popular the "Twilight" movie would have been with a puffy, red-faced Meat Loaf as the male lead instead of the dreamy, hollow-cheeked Robert Pattinson. Be advised, parents: Using attractive actors to play these otherwise offensive creatures is just one of the despicable tactics the pro-vampire propaganda machine will use to try and recruit your innocent children.
What they don’t want your impressionable kids to know is that the life of a vampire is anything but glamorous. In addition to resembling a chubby, blushing Larry King, vampires are relegated to a mostly boring existence. Most waking hours are used to quiet the constant hunger pangs caused by a liquid diet, and any free time is likely to be during late-night and early-morning hours, so running errands to the bank and most other businesses is extremely difficult.
Most people also hate vampires. In the Aftican country of Malawi during late 2002 and early 2003, mobs stoned one person to death and injured four others, including Malawi Governor Eric Chiwaya, because they thought the government was working secretly with vampires.
Despite the recent influx of vampire-related content into the mainstream media and the youthful enthusiasm that accompanied it, vampirism still remains a dangerous threat to our nation’s children. Unchecked interest in vampires can lead to unfortunate summer wardrobe choices, rickets and diabetes. We can’t afford to lose our kids to these flashy, sexy, fly-by-night vampire impersonators who continue to fill their heads with untruths about the vampire lifestyle. Do your part and get your kids hooked on something safe like street racing or “sexting” instead.
read more...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
